June 17, 2014

Opening Up: On What NYC Is Really Like

Just typing this post into Blogger is super weird for me. Over the last year, and some months, since I've created The Caro Diaries, I've always stayed pretty far away from personal posts. Once or twice, I opened up a little bit more through my Wednesday Wisdom, but I've never really written a real post about my life, or what I've experienced, or anything really. So here goes.. I don't even know if I'll be posting this, or if this will be just another unfinished draft sitting in my feed for months and months - there are way too many of these to count.

I moved to New York City a couple weeks ago, and it's been fantastic so far. I'm living in the cutest little area, I have a great apartment, I was lucky to have an amazing roommate (unlike my past roommate experience) and I'm working at an internship I know people would kill for, so why isn't it what I expected?

I have no want for anything - my parents and family have provided me with everything I could possibly need. My job is great, they treat me great and I'm not dreading it every morning. I have a couple days off every week My roommate and I get along great, and hang out almost 24/7. I have an awesome gym a minute away that I love. So what's this feeling that I'm having?

I'm by no means sad, or depressed, or anything about my experience. It's just... different than I expected. Different. Different. Things turn out differently all the time. Life isn't supposed to run smoothly. Things aren't supposed to go as planned 24/7. So why is this one affecting me more than I planned for?

B is spending the summer interning at a med program in Michigan, and because it's a fairly small program (20-30 students in total), he's made a lot of friends. They're all living there full-time, and hanging out, playing cards and partying together. My program is a lot smaller - there are only 4 interns at my company, and we all get along great, but none of them live in the city - they're all commuting in from surrounding areas. So I can't expect my experience to be the same as his.. yet I find myself jealous in a way. It sounds stupid, right?

I'm in the most amazing city in the world. There are roughly 8 million people surrounding me in NYC. Then why isn't it what I thought it would be? I'm living in a huge internship apartment complex that houses thousands of students, so why am I finding it so hard to make friends? And not just making friends, connecting with anyone. NYC is one of the busiest cities in the US, yet why do I feel so alone sometimes?

I know it sounds crazy. I've made friends, gotten to know people, and even hung out with some of my best friends from college and home, yet I still feel somewhat alone. I guess the bigger the city, the more lonely you are, huh? I've gotten out of my comfort zone - started taking boxing classes, which is a lot more fun than I expected, but after two weeks here, I feel like the ship has sailed and I've missed my chance to hop aboard the adventures.

I know I'm being stupid. I know it's just a phase and I need to bite the bullet and start embracing more things, meeting more people, and enjoying it all more. And I promise I will. I just needed to get this off my chest first.

Don't get me wrong, I love the city. I love the freedom. I love being able to hop on a Subway in the morning with my iPod blasting and not a care in the world. I love being able to hop on a Subway and explore. I love being able to leave my apartment to go pick up this, or that. I love the independence. But the loneliness is suffocating sometimes, and I'm working through that.



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31 comments:

  1. I can imagine it is lonely at first, Im sure it will get better :))

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  2. I totally understand, girl. I feel like whenever I move to a new place, after a while of meeting people and even hanging out with people I know and love, I start to feel lonely. It's hard for me to not compare my life/job status with other people at my school. But I always just remember that we are all on separate paths and to just try to live in the moment and see what I'm grateful for. Your internship sounds amazing and boxing classes sound like so much fun! I hope it all feels better soon--and thank you for sharing a post like this! It can be so hard to share our heart on the internet sometimes. You rock, girl!

    xo, gina

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  3. I love how candid you are. Even when things are moving along perfectly it sucks to be alone. There is no shame in admitting that. Things will get better :)

    http://neatly-packaged.blogspot.com/

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  4. Caro! I know EXACTLY how you feel! I feel the same way right now! I'm in Italy and I absolutely love being here and having the opportunity to travel, something I've always dreamt about, but something feels weird and I feel alone even though I've made friends and well I have the family I'm with! I'm so happy that you have this great opportunity to live in NYC! That's sooo awesome! And I hope your summer is great! And things will get better :))

    btw are you coming home at all this summer?
    -Brit

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  5. that quote in the photo is exactly what i'd tell you.... #justsayin

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  6. I LOVE this post! I'm in the exact same situation right now! I'm interning in NYC this summer and haven't quite adjusted yet. I've always dreamed of living in NYC, but the reality isn't quite living up to expectations. I completely understand the whole being lonely thing also! I went from a small town where I knew everyone to a huge city where I only know a few people...it's crazy overwhelming! If you want to chat more, let me know--the more people I know in the city, the better!

    xo Sydney

    www.sydneyluella.com

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  7. Give it some time and I'm sure you'll come around. It's not impossible to feel alone in a crowd of people! You'll make friends in time and I'm sure you'll learn to love it :)

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  8. It's an adjustment - The city can be so big that sometimes it's overwhelming. You'll find your favorites nooks & crannies of the city that you like to spend time in & it'll be home before you know it! Good luck

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  9. Dude, I know exactly what you mean. I have my dream internship here in Ecuador and for some reason "different" is always hard. I found myself TWICE going to theaters by myself because I really wanted to see the movies yet my colleagues are all MUCH older and have way more things on their plates then I do. However I have always found that the best time, is time spent with your own self. Why? That's when you grow, when you stop and listen, when you discover what it is that you're actually looking for. Also, don't forget to pray. Believe it or not the more you start praying the closer you will feel to something greater than yourself and everybody else. Caro I know you will have no trouble making friends, take advantage of the world cup and go sit at a bar and watch a game and you'll find yourself talking to people in no time. Just REALLY be open about things! Don't shy out of opportunities! miss you and take care.

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  10. I've lived in Long Island my whole life (except for dorming away at college in Boston) so I know how big the city is. I have a job there and I commute, but I know that it's not the same as living in the city full time. I wish you best of luck in your adjustment--I think you're open-minded enough that you'll grow to love it. <3

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  11. It will get better. I can only imagine it being super lonely at first but it should get better. Change is hard at times and then change will start to get better. :)

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  12. I interned for six months in NYC and I felt so....lonely. Weird how the biggest city in the U.S. can make you feel so alone, huh? I can totally relate with you. NYC definitely wasn't what I expected. I loved the actual city and the endless opportunity, but it was definitely difficult to make friends. By the end of my internship, I was visiting home every single weekend.

    However, I regret that I gave up trying to make friends. You could probably hang out with some Her Campus ladies! Or maybe check out the conference and make some friends :) Social media and blogging is a great way to find those real life friendships too.

    Wishing you the best of luck lady! And I'm proud of you for taking that leap and chasing your dreams!

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  13. I can totally understand when you say being in a big city you feel lonely. You can almost feel lost in the shuffle so to speak. I do hope it gets better and that you get a chance to fully enjoy your internship and city experience.

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  14. I know exactly how you feel. It will get better, hang in there!

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  15. It's such a big city, probably overwhelming when it comes to making new friends!

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  16. Feeling alone is pretty normal even if you're home :) I was living abroad for a half a year so I know what you are talking about. I can say that don't worry, it is normal, and how time goes by you will handle this thing better and better!

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  17. Moving to a new place is never easy. I'm sure it will get better.

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  18. I honestly don't think I could ever live there :/ My husband loves to travel there but its to different for me. Coming from a military wife who moves ALL the time to new place though, I know it will get better fro you. Its always hard to change places.

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  19. I had a similar experience. Always here if you want to talk. Also try using meetup.com to find people near you with similar interests. And keep attending boxing classes, you never know when you're future BFF will be there.

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  20. Ah in NYC it is hard to make friends, I live only an hour outside of NYC, so you could always have me as a friend ;). besides that maybe use meetup.com i have pretty awesome friends from there. and at the gym? maybe a good place to meet some girls that have the same interest as you! ♥

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  21. Thanks for sharing your experience - living in NYC seems like a dream!

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  22. NYC is huge! I've lived in the city my whole life and it still seems overwhelming to me at times and thats after being here for 24 years! You'll adjust and it'll definitely get better! Maybe try connecting with some nyc bloggers! Also meetup.com is amazing and I saw a few ladies suggested that ;). Either way your internship is only for a certain amount of time. Make the most of it while you're here =)

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  23. I've actually heard from other people who live in NYC that sometimes it's hard to connect with people. Hopefully you'll find some people who have similar interests and you'll make some new friends :)

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