There comes a time in everyone's life when a relationship comes to an end: whether it's a relationship of yours, or you're watching a friend go through the breakup. It's a tough time. Not only are you mourning a relationship, but a friendship. In most cases, your significant other is truly your best friend, so you find yourself in that awkward "am I missing him as my boyfriend or him as a person?" stage, and that "do I miss him or do I miss being in a relationship?". Honestly, breakups will cause you to think... a lot, sometimes more than you even want to.
A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from a friend going through a really nasty breakup, asking for advice. What do I know about getting over breakups? I might possibly be the worst person in the world to ask for relationship advice (#lol), but I did the best I could as a friend to be there for them. So today, I'm sharing some of the advice I gave my friend.
// go talk to someone: It's the biggest stigma in the world that seeing someone or talking to a trained professional means that you're "crazy" or something is wrong with you. As someone who struggles with severe anxiety, I survived college by seeing someone as often as I needed. Talking to a psychologist or therapist will show you that it's normal to be experiencing these feelings, and that you're doing a whole lot better than you think you are. And sometimes, they're just a good person to sit and cry or vent to without interruption. They don't know your SO's side, so you're always right in this office ;)
// delete pictures off social media: I've seen this happen so often - you go through a breakup and you spend hours (more like days) scrolling through your/their Facebook and looking at pictures of the two of you together. Look how happy we were, you think. Was this all real or was it a lie, you question. I miss him, you cry. Delete them. Untag, remove and delete these pictures. Get them off Instagram, Facebook and whatever other social media platform you use before you drive yourself crazy!
// get out of your comfort zone: Was there ever something you wanted to do or try but your SO didn't want to or didn't approve? Go ahead and do it! Do anything to get you into a new mindset, whether it be a new haircut, going skydiving or taking up a new hobby! Doing something for you will feel so good because you're genuinely enjoying it and you're doing it for no reason other than it's something that YOU have always wanted to do!
// avoid moving on too quickly: We've all heard that saying - the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I say it's crap. I mean sure it's worked for some people, but you're not truly allowing yourself time to grieve your loss, and instead you're just jumping into something new for the sake of it. You don't want to rush into a new relationship or a new bed just because you're single. And you most certainly don't want to do it to make your ex jealous - more often than not it'll only turn them off of you even more. While there's nothing wrong with going out and flirting to build your self-confidence again, rushing into anything will only lead to disaster in the long run. Be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else again.
// stop reminiscing: You always remember the past better than it really was. When you look back on your relationship, you're looking at what I like to call the highlight reel - all the good things, the great memories, the loving moments. Too often we focus on this highlight reel and forget about the B-roll - the background noise, the dull moments, and even the not-so-great moments we tune out. So when you think about the relationship, be honest with yourself. Yes, you were happy. But there were also moments when you weren't, and there were clearly underlying and growing issues in the relationship.
// cry: Yes, I just told you to cry. Go ahead, put on the saddest song you can (I recommend John Mayer's 'Slow Dancing In A Burning Room' - the live version) and lay in your bed in the dark and cry. Cry to your friends, cry to your family, cry by yourself. Let it out. It is sooooo healthy to release your emotions and crying is actually really healthy. So let out that frustration and the sadness and the hurt that you're feeling. It's expected. Allow yourself to cry and grieve the loss you're experiencing.
// distract yourself: Keeping yourself busy is one of the best ways to move on without even realizing. The busier you are, the more you have going on, the less time you have to think about your ex or your relationship. Get involved in an extra-curricular activity. Do some charity work. Travel on weekends. Make a bucket list and start checking some stuff off. Throw yourself into your work/schoolwork. Busy is good. And soon enough, you'll be too busy to think of your ex. And you'll have bettered your life in some way too!
Breakups are never easy. Even the most cordial of breakups can turn sour quickly if you aren't careful. No matter how hurt or upset you are, try to remain respectful of your ex and never go around bashing them - remember no matter how much it hurts now, you shouldn't regret something that once made you so happy and played such a significant role in your life.
If you need to talk to anyone, feel free to reach out to me. Leave a comment below, shoot me an email or find me on social media (@thecarodiaries on everything!). I can't promise I'll have good advice, but I promise I'll listen to you vent and cry, and what more do you really need?!